Tuesday 24 December 2013

My Coming Out Story - Anonymous

I’d always felt different to everyone else. I knew something was different and I kind of had a clue what it was. I was very camp and androgynous. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I had a few girl mates and we’d say we were girlfriend and boyfriend being young, and sure I did see girls as hot and I still do, I’m not the kind of gay guy who only sees boys as attractive, no way haha like have you seen the booty on Beyonce :O hot damn. But while I saw girls as attractive I knew there wasn’t any emotional attraction to them. When I realized I might be gay, I really didn’t want to be. I hated the thought because all my life I had been taught that it was wrong to choose that, but I knew I definitely didn’t choose this. So I tried hard to be straight, my perception of ‘normal’ but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t rid myself of the emotional attraction I had for males.

I was bullied a lot for the way I acted and because I have a soft voice, I was called queer, a freak, gay; faggot, anal boy, gay-siah, so much shit like that and I left school because of it and had to just be taught at home. I felt that being away from boys my age I’ll lose the attraction, but I really couldn’t have been more wrong. In fact my attraction grew stronger being isolated. I was confused, I felt alone. I didn’t want to be gay, I couldn‘t. So I told myself I liked girls still and told girls I liked them, because I felt that I did, I forced myself to like them even though I knew I was just lying to myself.

I had guy mates and we’d talk about girls and I’d lie about how much I liked chicks just to hide it from them and hoping maybe it would cure me. I just denied it to everyone including myself. Hearing the word ‘gay’ made me feel so shitty because growing up in a religious household I was raised to know that being gay was wrong and a sin that deserved death. I prayed so much to god to make me normal, to help me. But nothing changed.

Glee was a show that I loved but left me a little confused, there is the gay character Kurt and I didn’t act exactly like him and I guess I was focusing mainly on the stereotypes so it made me feel a little better. I didn’t dress like him and my hair wasn’t so perfect and I didn’t flick my hand around and I wasn’t so… gay acting. So I thought huh, I mustn’t be gay then YAY. Even though the attractions were there, but still hey I’m not gay. Crazy huh, yeah I like boys but I’m not gay :O Hahahaha. Anyways I knew I was being stupid so eventually I left that boat behind.

At 14 I went out online looking for gay men and talked to them and stuff, had phone sex, did stupid things of that kind. I lost my virginity to some random which started a ripple effect and I just wanted to bang every boy on the block, and I did meet quite a few. I thought… This is what this is about, sex. I felt weird since all my life I had dreamed of marrying a girl and having kids and living my life raising a family with her, then when I realized I was into boys, and might be gay my world fell apart.

I had no acceptance for myself at all, I felt all alone in the world because all these guys I was having sexual connections with all seemed to be fine and satisfied. I felt nobody would love me or accept me or know who I really am. So I felt so broken.

Eventually when I was 15 I joined musical theatre, our town was running a production of Grease and being with civilization more I decided to take up a new name ‘Joey’ that couldn’t be rhymed with anything homosexual at all, I felt more safer with that name and slowly that solidified into being what everyone called me, anyways in Grease there was a woman their named Mel who I grew connected to and I remember sitting with her and at the time I hadn’t told anyone in my life that I liked boys so when she asked me ‘Your gay right?’ I full on panicked inside. So I said ‘no, well I don’t know, kind of, I like both I guess’ and that made me feel better. Being in that theatre I thought well all the guys here are probably gay (how wrong I was) and so I felt safe there to be honest and when I started telling a few that I was ‘bisexual’ and they told me that it was cool and there’s nothing wrong with it. There was one boy who was an asshole but meh I didn’t care too much since most people didn’t like him anyway. Eventually I became involved with other gay guys and while I kept saying I was ‘bisexual’ I knew from then that I really wasn’t alone and that so many other guys and girls even are just as insecure as I was about themselves.

I went back to school and just came out as ‘bisexual’ pretty much straight away. A lot frowned on me but majority didn’t care. They accepted it. I told my cousin around that time that I was ‘bisexual’ and she was a little like ‘eww’ but she realized I was still me either way and opened up to me and now it’s not even anything important, I’m just her big gay cousin bestie :D hahaha. But she was really the one that helped me accept I was gay and not bisexual. The way she just embraced it and she asked me ‘are you sure you’re not just gay’ and I realized I’d been denying it and took a breath and said ‘yeah I’m gay, I think I definitely am’. She’s definitely one of my favourite people ever. I love her a lot. And since I’ve told nearly everyone that I was gay, corrected things haha that I’m not bisexual, and most of them really didn’t care to much and didn’t see me any differently.

It was around the end of 2012 and I was in the production of Footrot Flats when I met a guy and I fell for him. He was everything I wanted to be. He was gay and proud of it, he was into theatre and singing like I was, we had a lot in common, he was nearly twice my age but it didn’t worry me, I wanted him and I wanted to one day be the same as him. But meh I thought I wanted that but it turned out he was just a jerk and wanted me only for my body. That devastated me so I wanted to be straight even more now so I wouldn’t get that pain, but I knew that was impossible, I knew in this year being gay was more then just sex and I knew I wanted more then just that. So I moved on eventually and I found out so much about myself, I realize I thrive from love. I’ve gone from fling to fling, heartbroken every time but I still keep looking cause well that’s a big part of who I am. Having a guy in my life just keeps me content. Though I’m trying to learn to make myself content just being myself. It’s still a process. This year I’ve realized who I am to the fullest and where I want to be and what I want in life. This has been one of my best years ever. They said then end of 2012 would bring changes and stuff and it did for me, so much.

I had more flings and things after him, and that’s actually how my parents found out. Really they’re my grandparents but I just call them my parents because they raised me. But I was interested in a guy and I used to like reading back on my messages to guys. So I emailed them to my kindle, anyway I didn’t realize I accidentally sent it to them instead and the next day everything tipped upside down. They were not happy with it. Well, actually they aren’t that happy with it still. I had been caught once and was able to slither out of it but this time I really couldn’t. I told my side that I had always felt that way and that I’ve tried to change but I can’t. I told my nana everything I could about my feelings and how I’ve never felt anything for girls in the way I should. I was terrified; I was scared they would kick me out. That I’d be even more alone. That I’d probably end up dead cause I’d have nothing. I wouldn’t see my 2 brothers again. Everything was just too much for me. But she knows now and I didn’t have any of that happen, I was just paranoid because they’re really against being gay as they’re very religious. They hiss whenever anything gay comes on and nana still talks to me about marrying a girl and one day things will change and stuff though I know she’s denying the fact that I am gay. My uncle (her son) is gay too and she still doesn’t really accept that fact either.

My sister came out to me this year that she was bisexual and into girls a little bit. She’s only 11 so she has challenges ahead which I will obviously help her through. Nana found out about her and wasn’t happy with it either. My littlest brother is also very androgynous and so charismatic so Nana is also scared he might be LGBT and is always trying to make him the way she wants him to be but I hope one day she will stop fearing all of this and realize you can’t stop nature.

Now as I speak today I’m so proud of myself. I’ve gone through such a journey to get to where I am and it was all worth it because I love who I am so much now.

To the haters who made me feel down but now no longer affect me all I can say is a big fat ‘thank you’ thank you so much, you’ve done me so well, you’ve taught me to accept myself. Thank you for all the times you’ve called me queer, faggot, gay, homo, just kudos to you, I know who and what I am now and you guys have just made me so happy for helping me see that. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for what you’ve done for me.

I do hope one day my parents will learn to accept me and maybe be at my wedding or be happy with a guy I choose to be with for the rest of my life and accept everything, but I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up. They have very strong religious beliefs but it’s a hope of mine that one day things will be okay in that area.

To those out there who have been or are in this situation, remember you are not alone. It may hurt to know that you can never change this. Because there’s nothing to change, you are who you are and you are beautiful for that. Show strength and courage in your journey. Embrace the empty words of your haters because they will help you in your future. Take your time; you have all the time in the world. A friend of mine told me something that helped a lot. ‘Your sexuality is not who you are, you don’t even need to be fully sure of it until you want to or you feel your ready’ and I agree, live life rather then spend time panicking and worrying over those feelings because inside you know who you are and that’s all that really matters.

Love who you are because love is what makes this world go around. I didn’t believe in myself, I felt I had so many enemies in this world who hated me because of my sexuality but I realized that I was my own enemy, but I’m good now and I wish the best for all you beautiful people out there who are coming to this stage in life and even those who have embraced themselves, have an amazing life. You can do it and it gets better. Thank you for listening.

Wednesday 20 November 2013

HIV/AIDS

If you're gay you have HIV/AIDS right? right? wrong.

HIV/AIDS is one of the many gay stereotypes but it's also a big thing used to undermine gay people these days. That people with the illness are all homosexual but i'm here to tell you that it's one big falsity. It's a faker rumor then barbie so that's saying something.

To get HIV you need either someone infected (doesn't have to be gay!), a method of tranfusion (injection, sexual organ, wound even), and something of the infected to transfer into your own body (blood, semen, vaginal fluids, even breastmilk).

You can't get HIV from kissing it would take 1 in a billion chances because HIV is very thin in the saliva and your body won't let it get into you, plus your stomach acid would just burn it all up if it even reached that far. You can however contract HIV from oral sex but that is highly unlikely aswell, you need to have cuts or wounds within your mouth for the virus to get through.

Also I need to tell you this which some people just don't seem to get: Two people who have not had sex or been exposed to anything HIV, both virginal as ever, will NOT get HIV together. Think about it, how do you pass on something you don't even have :/

It's not just gay people who have it, straight people get it too. Babys get it when infected mothers bore them and breastfeed.

The origin of where HIV come from is inapplicable at the moment. It's a sad disease, i've yet to interview someone who struggles with it so I can get more indepth as to what it is. The main point i'm trying to get through with this though is HIV is everywhere, not in gays, its everywhere. 60% of infected youth don't even know they have it, because these days a lot of teens engage in unprotected sex casually not realizing the risks.

I urge those teenagers gay and straight, if your heading into 'the world of sex' as I like to call it. Make sure that you are prepared. Condoms are a must, unless your ready to start little families or risk disease, don't be reckless. Wrap it before you tap it.

Wednesday 9 October 2013

Facebook Page

Since I know blogspot isn't exactly the most popular thing out. I created a facebook page with help from a team of other's which will not only work through facebook but get 'out there' posts from this page :)

Link's here: https://www.facebook.com/lgbtlifenz

Monday 7 October 2013

Cute transgender couple

Oh my gosh so I found this page telling about a transgender couple and am blown away by how amazing it is. He was a girl, she was a boy. And they've been together for two years! He's 17, she's 19. Their names are Arin Andrews and Katie Hill.




Arin (once named Emerald) always felt like a boy, from his first day of school aged 5. He would be put into the girls line and have no idea why.
Katie (once named Luke) had always felt like a girl but didn't come out to her mother about it till she was 15 years old and asked for help in becoming 'Katie'
The two met at a trans support group in their hometown of Oklahoma.
Arin's mother always wanted him to do feminine things like competing in beauty pageants and ballet. But he was only interested in riding motorcycles and running triathlons, rock-climbing and outdoor boys stuff.
Eventually at age 11 his mother came around it and helped him with his testosterone shots and vowed to pay half of his breast removal surgery if he was able to raise the other half (which is around $7327 NZD)
As Jah mentioned in her interview I wrote, it takes guts to being transgender. He was bullied through highschool... The pretty girl who walks like a boy. Called a lesbian for so long, suicidal thoughts, even KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL.
When he heard about Katie and her transformation from being male to female he was inspired, because everything written was everything he was going through. It was like he was being given an explanation for his own feelings. Thats how he was able to embrace the term 'trans'.
He looked at her and thought she was so beautiful, and looked like Megan Fox, he wanted to know who she was so much and eventually asked for her number. After that they started seeing eachother.
Katie had alot of trouble growing up and just couldn't help being really girly, with a high pitched voice and high cheekbones. Her parents really struggled with their 'sons' lifestyle.
The pair have been together two years now and still going strong. Last year they both has their surgeries to becoming who they want to be. Arin had his breasts removed and now he is flat chested, what he always wanted. Katie's one was interesting, somebody anonymous read about her story in the paper and donated all the money to pay for her surgery. That would be around $68000 NZD! and she's gotten the full, female surgery.

These two lucky lovers :O I want that! hahaha such a beautiful story showing that it's all about the HEARTS not the PARTS when it comes to love. I get sick of these ones who think that love is all about sex. This couple shows the full extent of what love is.. and more. Amazing, inspiring :)




Sunday 6 October 2013

Interview with other transgender people in general

So i've done afew interview's with some transgender people and am loving what's being spoken. I'll post up each person's as soon as it's out.

Jah , MTF transgender woman.
Himiona, MTF transgender woman.
Jaye, MTF transgender woman.

When did you decide you were transgender? How?

Jah - I felt different when I was 4, lol my Nan encouraged it by dressing me up like a girl and I kind of started from then.
Himiona -  I don't think it was something I decided, it was more something learnt. I think like most I tried that gay thing, felt like dressing up, suddenly it became a daily thing. I'm new to it so i'm still finding and learning about it.
Jaye - I didn't decide that I was a transgender. I knew right from the start that I was different.


What's it like being transgender? Could you explain your sexuality a bit?

Jah - It isn’t a lifestyle for the weak, you have got to be quite mentally strong and be able to withstand random peoples thoughts/comments, coz u cant hide being transgender, being gay u can hide it but being transgender openly? Its all out there and if yr not very passable or pretty? Life is much harder, then again when it comes to love or personal intimate relationships some say its better to be "sprung" coz if a guy hits on you? He knows what u are already, if yr too pretty then he’ll get a shock when he finds out yr not all that you appear to be, lol so both sides have there pro's an con's.
Himiona - Well like I said I am still finding myself. So it has been tough at times but i'm still working things out.
Jaye - I know myself that being transgender, I feel more comfortable. And I accept who I am. My sexuality, well.. I am nor male, nor a female. I like to think of myself as a special something and a gift. That is who I am.

Do ever like try hide your sexuality or feel uncomfortable about it?

Jah - Depends on how my hair looks lol i wont leave the house lookng sligtly askew, if i look ok tho then i just walk out an dont care, coz i know i look ok. I dont have a paho or beard, lol if I did? Then id have something to hide/worry about, lol
Himiona - Always, I grew up being told I couldn't do it and stuff so that's why it's not until now i'm learning about myself.
Jaye - I never hide my sexuality or myself. I am loud and proud and I have no shame.

What types of discrimination have you experienced because your transgender?

Jah - I wasn’t bullied or discriminated in school, I had one bully that I dealt to but I’ve never had rants or words called out at me, tho last year I went to the doctor an she was new to me, wasn’t accepting, and when she looked up my file she was shocked to see my details an then she turned on me an said she couldn’t help me, and I had to see another doctor, like a had green blood and I was catchy, lol small minded idiot she was/is,
Himiona - Allsorts really. I've been called everything under the sun. By strangers and people I know. I've never been physically abused. The only time was at school.
Jaye - I personally haven't experienced discrimination but I have witnessed others and I feel that there is no respect. Respect plays a big part of being transgender. I grew up in a family that being who ever you were only mattered to you and if you were happy, than support and love was there always.

What stage are you at with becoming a full woman/man?

Jah - I’m fully complete now, post op lol now I just have to get my man to propose an marry me, lol
Himiona - That's the thing I don't know really. I wanna go the full way. In my head, I am me. How I choose to dress is feminine to compliment it.
Jaye - I am me, and I am in transformation.

Are you pre-op? Or post-op? Afterwards do you still class as 'transgender' or not?

Jah - In my mind I’ve always been a girl so I just see myself as a woman. And u just need some surgical changes to align yr mental/spiritual with yr physical.
Himiona - I don't think I can go through that pain. I try to think of myself as me so I can't change anything or I won't be me.
Jaye - I am me, and I am in transformation.

Do you consider yourself a straight woman/man? How exactly does it work?

Jah - I only like men, only attracted to heterosexual men, tho I’ve heard of other transgender girls who go after other transgender girls, but that just freaks me out, lol I like my cock in a jock, not a cock in a frock, lol
Himiona - This is what I say I am claustrophobic so my answer would be, I won't be put in a box of an kind until i'm dead.
Jaye - I consider myself being a woman. I live my life as a woman. There shouldn't be a question how does it work, its basically about personal reference and about how you want to be treated.

A bit shame but ummm which bathroom do you use?

Jah - I always use the ladies, lol
Himiona - The unisex or disabled if that's not an option... I use the females.
Jaye - I use the female toilet wherever I go.

What's something that's really encouraged or discouraged you in your journey?

Jah - People think coz yr transgender that yr a hooker or a drugee or both, so most people look down on us as street trash or people who are lost cause so as a trans I’ve always felt I’ve had to work harder, be better, live better and always look better than the norm, to show that we aren’t all cocksuckers or street workers, we can be just as good as anyone else, if I was physically disabled an was mentally impaired then id be a lost cause, but I’m in full working order so I cant complain. Just gotta get on with it.
Himiona - Encouraged would be my sisters and my friends. Discouraged would be when women compare who I am to a ''real'' woman.
Jaye - Something that has really encouraged me on my journey is the support and love from family and friends and me offering advice to our young transgenders that are sprouting, offering them support and making them sure that they know that there are many people out there that are in the same position. Always giving a hand is the main part of it all.

How has your family accepted you as being transgender?

Jah - My family was accepting but to my extended family that don’t know me? Or have ever met me? They aren’t, coz they don’t know me very well, and I’m guessing when they heard about me they probably "assumed" I was a prostitute or a drugee or both, lol stereotypes really suck.
Himiona - I think they see me as a male who dresses up.
Jaye - My family has accepted me from day one. My whole family is either gay, trans, lesbian and all other genders but what kept our family strong is that we never judged one another and nor did our elders look down on us as if we were something else. So the knowledge that was handed to me, I love to share.

Thank you for your time,

Jah - All good Hun xox
Himiona - I know but like I said I still have to find out more of who I am.
Jaye - There you are love

I love transgender people so much. Their strength and passion, and belief in who they are just overwhelms me. They make me so happy. I can't wait to hear from many others in the future.

Saturday 5 October 2013

Things I love in guys

Guys with some of these things... Definitely make the cut. I wish I had a guy with all of these. But no :/ single as ever.

Send’s long and soppy messages about how much I’m loved
18+ years old - 25
Looks me in the eye when I’m talking to him
Plays with my hair
Writes cute little letters and leaves them where I’ll find them
Compliments me
Protective but not overprotective
Good personality
Humorous
Has abit of weight (75kgs minimum)
Nice hair, tidy, not messy looking (like harry styles -_- no thank you) and preferably only one colour
Serious yet carefree
Honest to me
Loves movies
Isn’t homeless or poor
Can sing or dance (one of the two)
Mutual interests
Not an alcoholic or a drug addict
Sweet and caring
Nice smile
Good reputation
Classy
Can be a diva at times and a little bitchy in defense
Great kisser
Relaxed
Not forgetful
Can cook
A little dorky
Romantic
Down to earth
Supports me in every way and all my decisions
Is concerned for some of the things I get myself into, cares about my wellbeing but respects my choice
Self-confident
Likes being crazy with me and losing control (to a point)
Faithful to me
Treats others and me with respect
Calls me rather then texts but when he texts, sends x’s in nearly every message
Likes some supernatural videos
Will watch musicals with me
Doesn’t crowd me
Loves me and will do anything for my love
Will talk to me about his problems and seek me for guidance
Trusts me
Talks dirty to me but not too much
Likes to have a drink now and again
Stands up for me
Healthy
Loves black
Cuddles me from behind and holds me till I fall asleep
A little spiritual
Calls me a range of names (cutie, beautiful, sweetie etc.)
SEXY!
6/10 rate at minimum
Want’s to marry me and be with me for a long time
Would never dream about breaking my heart
Appreciates me
Peaceful and resilient


Would love to hear other people's lists of their idea of a perfect partner hahaha imagine away

I just love this picture so i'm gonna share it :)


Stages of LGBT Sexuality Development

There's alot of different things you could think of when it comes to someone within the LGBT community becoming... well, apart of it. The stages here are pretty general, if you think you might have feelings for the same gender you might not even go through some of these... but hopefully this could be a small help at the least.
Identity confusion
You may be asking yourself, What the hell is going on?! You might start denying what you're feeling and stuff.
You always thought you were straight as. Everyone is convinced that you are. But now you start feeling... thing's for members of the same sex and you just want to know... What the hell is happening to me?!
At this stage you might not be comfortable saying it out loud, might even deny it and get defensive if somebody ask's you about it, lying to people... and to yourself. But secretly you wish you might wish to know more so in private you may seek information on... what's happening.
Identity comparison
As you may have started accepting your feelings for the same sex you could maybe see differences between yourself and other people. You might feel alone and that you don't really fit with anyone.
Identity tolerance
(Knowing who you are and being ok about it)
You'll start getting used to having these feelings and can start moving on to being who you are without worrying so much. You might even start opening up to a few people.
Identity acceptance
(You are who you, Me, You, US!)
Now you're pretty used to the feelings and you're allgoods with it. You're at that spot when you're ready to tell all. It's good to ask others about their experiences, maybe trying out the rainbow youth site. You might want to even meet other LGBT people or join a group. Rainbow Youth actually runs quite afew social groups in Auckland. While you might be feeling proud of it, be aware you could slowly feel angry about all that time you felt you'd wasted keeping things hidden. But remember, that's normal. That is a stage of development that most people LGBT will go through.
Identity synthesis
Now it's time to move on, you don't care anymore about the way you feel... You know now it's apart of you so now it's time to stop worrying and focus on other things. You may feel comfortable with your sexuality but you know that there are times your not as keen to express yourself. But the great thing is, the acceptance of other's has now become less if at all, important. You shouldn't care anymore what people think because you know who you are and accept it. Nowhere but up from there :)

If you would like to find out more:
If these are things you’re thinking about, Rainbow Youth can help. If you’re in Auckland, you may like to visit the Drop-in centre or have the option of joining the G.Q. (Generation Queer Group) for 13-20 year-olds, or I.D. (Identity Group) for 18-27 year-olds.
You can also contact Rainbow Youth with your question(s), or try one of these alternative phone lines or online chats with info given below- Contact numbers/Freephone and operation Hours, active websites and links for more information Available and also have lists of support groups in the North and South islands. GLBT Admin will be sure to include social groups of possible interest within major cities in New Zealand and those that may benefit living in small towns nearby and/or Rural districts.
(Note: Keep in mind when contacting any of the helplines below, you do have the option to remain anonomous and withold personal information at your own discretion and that everything you choose to disscuss is held confidential.)
OUTLine
Phone counselling for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, curious or questioning individuals
10am – 10pm
Phone (09) 303 3584 or Freephone 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463)
Website www.outlinenz.com
Youthline
Crisis/counselling Line
11am – 11pm daily
Phone (09) 376-6633 or Freephone 0800 37 66 33
Website www.youthline.co.nz
Community face-to-face counselling is also available. Contact the Youthline office on (09) 376-6645 9am – 5pm Monday to Friday to make an appointment.
What’s Up
Free telephone counselling service for New Zealanders aged 5 to 18 years
12pm-12am (noon to midnight) 7 days week
Phone 00800 WhatsUp (0800 942 8787)
Website www.whatsup.co.nz
Lifeline
24-hour phone counselling
Phone (09) 522 2999
Website www.lifeline.co.nz


Youth Groups
GQ (Generation Queer)
GQ is the Rainbow Youth social group for 18 year olds and under. GQ is a place young people can come together to meet others like themselves, chat about life, school and just relax. Meet fortnightly on Fridays in Rainbow Youth Centre


I.D (Identity)-www.rainbowyouth.net.nz/our-groups/i-d/
I.D. is the Rainbow Youth social group for 18 to 27 year olds. Meet every week on Sunday in Rainbow Youth Centre.


G-IQ (Gender Identity Quest)-www.rainbowyouth.net.nz/our-groups/g-i-q/
This Rainbow Youth social group is especially for young people who are questioning their gender identity, ages 13 – 27. Contact the Rainbow Youth Centre if you’re interested in attending this group.


Q4S (Queer4Shore)-www.rainbowyouth.net.nz/our-groups/queer4shore/
Based in Takapuna, is the North Shore group for 13 to 27 year olds. Meet once a fortnight on Fridays (alternate to GQ meetings), 5pm-7pm at Phab for 13 to 27 year olds. Check URL for more details!


OUT and ABOUT-www.rainbowyouth.net.nz/out-and-about/
Is the East and South Auckland group based in Papatoetoe. Meet once a fortnight on Fridays (alternate to GQ meetings), 5pm to 6:30pm at Youthline Manukau for 13 to 27 year olds. Check URL for more details!


QWEST-www.rainbowyouth.net.nz/out-west/
West Auckland group based in Henderson. Meet once a fortnight on Saturdays 3 – 5pm. check URL for more details!

Story of a drag queen artise

So I got hold through a friend of a guy named VC Latimoore who is a drag queen artist. His Alter Ego name is VuDaur Cologne (sounds spicy hehe) he's 29 and gay born in Auckland, currently residing in Kaitaia. He has a boyfriend (LUCKY) named Antony and they've been dating for 2 months. And here's his story so far :)

Back when I was a child, not much older than a year old- I remember the day Whitney Houston had debuted in New Zealand. My Older sister was a huge fan so as a child growing up I also grew up with Whitney. I also discovered I was different in terms of feeling things that I wasn’t so sure about and always had thoughts of wanting to be like her..... the fact was I was born a male and just couldn't admire an artist but be her at the same time? This was not how it works. Years to come will express how I became a drag artiste and the struggles, acceptance, battles, sacrifices, pain and the love I shared with so many people and how I dealt with becoming something more than just the gay male I am today.
As a child, I wasn't near the most popular pupil in primary school, in fact I was the dirty lil poor "Maori" boy as they would say to me (my pairs and also some teachers) and this is how I was treated everyday of every year I spent in Primary and regardless of what people would say or do I did not let it bother me and got on with my days. It was hard to be Maori for me as I wasn't treated humanly or with respect getting picked on, shoved, abused, called names, people wouldn’t walk passed me in class time, they would walk right around the class just to get to the other side of me and if they had no choice but to walk passed, they help their noses as if I stunk as well as being vocal screaming out eeewwww. I would go home everyday and carry on like nothing ever happens to me cause it was a daily thing and I was so use to it. at the age of 6yo, My parents moved us down to Dunedin and I tell you we LOVED it there. My new school I actually had friends! it was at this school I discovered I had a feminine streak. My hair was shoulder length and curly and my sisters use to tie it up in a pony tail on my crown every morning for school and I loved it. I also had my favourite uggboots and every time I walked through school halls and classrooms I liked the sound they made as if I was wearing high heels but I was still puzzled amongst this feeling I had about myself, at 6 years old I felt a huge boost of confidence in myself from my hair tied up to how I looked to how I even sound when I walked. Before school every morning I would lock myself in the bathroom and sneak into mums make up bag, I had seen the video clip many times of Whitney Houston’s- I wanna dance with somebody and her rosy cheeks so I snuck into mums make up bag where I knew she had a bright red lipstick and I would put a dot on each cheeks and gently rub it on. As far as I knew.... no one ever had a clue. I would then go to school and have the best years to come. Unfortunately One of my grandparents got very sick and we had to move back to Auckland a year later. I was enrolled back into the same School although this time I made friends instantly. Given my experience in Dunedin with my confidence and somewhat expressing something I felt within myself this would be the beginning of the struggle with identifying what that was.
I lived not knowing what it was, what it meant and was it ok to feel this way? This time I was 7 years old and I remember on a Saturday afternoon I always rode my bike and my brother would ride his skate board or we would both race down the hill on our skateboards. Well this time it was just me and I was riding my bike when I was approached by this Asian man, possibly late teens to mid 20s asking if I knew where the park was and me being a kid trying to give him directions I just rode my bike slowly and showed him, you had to walk a bush path and as we went down this path he went off the track as he had his camera I thought he was taking photos till I decided to go over to him and has standing there with his P**is in his hand and pointed it to the direction of my mouth. This time I was really unsure and because I had never seen or heard of this behaviour I didn’t really think it being a bad thing or it was wrong or not ok, it took a while for me to register what was going and so I did.... it was disgusting. I didn’t know what I was doing, then I began to enjoy it. At 7years old this was my first sexual encounter with a male. Over the next couple of years I would encounter those feelings again but this time I would think back to that incident at the park and still didn’t know what it mean and then I hit Intermediate. Within the first 6months I started feeling something for another student. By then I had seen things all over the television and knew what this was. I found I was attracted to boys! At this time I found it very confusing because this sort of thing wouldn't go down well at the school I was at and then made more friends and started feeling the same way about some of them too. By this point I knew exactly what I was and accepted it almost immediately and found a lot of comfort in it. No one ever knew till I got a bit too comfy and as I still do now, I would talk with my hands and sometimes without knowing, on the slightest angle the top of my wrist would show and people started picking it up. For about a year I was always being called a FaFa from the islanders and because I wasn't Pacific Island, I didn't give a rats what they say. Then after a while it just turned into a big joke and I adopted FaFa as my nickname at school but I never spoke of it, no one ever asked so no one never really knew.
I started College and those same people that use to call me that name also went to the same college which was ok but it got around the school pretty fast and it was a lot harder to deal with. By this time I was known as the rich kid and this is what I was judged by. I would get picked on and bullied for the next 2years for assumptions of being gay and rumours and also rumours of having a wealthy family. Through out these 2 years it got intense where I was singled out and being verbally abused by groups of people (Pacific Islanders) never was it one on one. my friends were too gutless and never had my back and I felt fear a lot and felt like hiding away. I would go to school each day and deal with the same crap that it took me back to my Primary years and how I was treated back then. Given all the rubbish I’ve had to go through, verbal abuse and sometimes physical..... at this stage I was a black belt in Tae Kwon do and remember my father always telling me if you ever get bullied or picked on by a number of people in a group, you go straight to the leader and that I did and from that day onwards I gain a lot of respect from students, teachers, friends and all these groups that would abuse me everyday. I became someone people never messed with and it spread through out other schools and all these people I never met all knew who I was. It felt extremely amazing to be recognised for once and not pushed aside and enjoyed the glory that maybe I will be at peace with my surroundings. After several months to a year the glory faded and I was back at square one. My life wasn't going too bad and had things I enjoyed doing but something was in the air and I couldn't see it or see what it was, At this stage I noticed my friends were slowly pushing me away.... neglecting me and by the end of that year I was a complete loner, I had no friends. They all turned their backs on me and I couldn't do anything about it so I remained a lost soul and people would point at me and talk about me and laugh at me for having no friends, in classes I actually sat on one half of the room by myself while the rest all sat on the other side and this is me experience the feeling of being ALONE. I experienced going to my school ball and took my sister because no one wanted to go with me and I played it cool and made out I wanted to sit away from everyone when the table we sat at was surrounded by empty tables because I was invisible to everyone anyway while all of my form were all having a great time and enjoying each other and I had no choice but to sit there with a fake smile and watch! I played it out so my sister wouldn't pick it up but I was all alone in a world I came into, felt like no one cared and it was lonely being there. I fell into a deep depression after that cause when I think about it, I fought through 10-11years of rejection. I got my first Job working at AUT in a cafe and I loved it there and was another shot at making friends there with the uni students. At this stage I’m 15 years old now. My time working there I made some amazing friends that have stayed! It was May, 1999 I started working there part time while I went to college and remember having a conversation with my sister, she say’s to me, " you should try modelling?" you have the physique for it" and I shrugged my shoulders and said "nah, that’s pansy stuff" and wasn’t really interested and several months later I went shopping in my local mall-Westfield, Glenfield and walked passed a lil stall, guys dressed up in suits and the woman in clean cut silhouettes with amazing curvature so I stopped and took a leaflet and thought about what my sister had said months before, so I asked what is it all about after skimming through the leaflet, signed it. 6 days later I receive a call on a Thursday arvo (because the day before was my pay day). Asking to speak to me, so I answer the Phone and it was Management from Vanity Walk, A Modelling agency in New Market wanting to book an appointment for me to see them so we did all that. I had a position with them, they had done me a portfolio explain if I had any interests in other courses they had within the agency, Make up artistry, camera work, runways, hair dressing etc.... so I became a student/model for the agency as a make up artist and by this time I owned all Whitney Houston’s albums to date. My Love is Your Love was the latest. while being isolated in college I would lock myself in the music room and thrash Whitney Houston on a tape deck radio that I would borrow from the resource room as well as jam the electric piano to it. From years of following from such a young age I knew her voice inside out down to her hand gestures, lyrics to every song and down to what she wore, her hair down to her naming her concerts, when and where she done them so now I’m a massive crazed fan. I had my day job at the cafe so I had left school to do Vanity Walk. The more I understood make up, the more I would be creating something. I became a model for a fashion show because a graduate thought it would be brilliant to have a guy dressed as a girl and that was a lot of fun!! one of my most memorable. after I graduated I didn’t want to be in that industry because I had a Love for an artist and one night locked up in my room I pulled my kit out, started playing with make up and doing myself up and I could see something appearing before my eyes. I would do this countless times over the space of a year and found out my old college were having their school ball so I decided F**K these C**TS I’m going to show up so I asked my boss if I could use the staffroom on this night, without hesitation he say’s go for it so I trundle everything in and go at it. days before I had asked my aunty who I trusted if she could pick me up and take me to the venue where I would turn up to the ball with a face full of make up and dressed in woman’s clothes. This was the moment of truth, extremely confident and without fear I stood there amongst my old school mates in what I called back then "drag" it took some a while to warm up to it and once again I stand isolated in a room full of people and a guy I remember having a brief conversation with at school came up and said hello... how are you?? "I just want to say I know what you went through at school and I wanted to be your friend, I was scared of what people would think of us because everyone knows at school that I kissed a boy but it was a very long time ago." From that moment everything went away, my heart goes out to him where ever he is and he changed my life in a way, Thank you Andrew. Eventually people would come over to me and start talking, even my old mates that turned there backs on me gave me the old head nod or hand shake it was a massive relief to have your past acknowledge you the way these people did. I will never forget that night.
My first night out dressed up and god knows what I was doing but I had a good time doing it! this would carry on as I met other gay people like myself out clubbing at Wonder Bar and Flesh Night Club. For a few weeks I remained a nameless cross dresser and didn’t know the meaning or terms of anything in regards to the gay world. The first Drag queen I ever met she was Just a mega Stunner by the name -Bambi Slut. I would come out every Night I could just to see here again but couldn't build up the courage to talk to her because I didn't know what these people would be like so I would still do my own thing and during the week nights I would continue playing dress ups in my room late at night. I also had an Avon consultant that would come over every week to promote her products etc and I bought a men’s fragrant "Cologne" For men. I would listen to the radio a lot while I play dress ups or thrash Whitney, I remember hearing an advert on the radio about some rage and ticket sales featuring Deja Voodoo and I Loved the name Voodoo But also loved the name Cologne and one night while I’m playing with make up and dressing up, I would think of a name so I would be all dolled up, outfit, handbag, wigs, make up and stood in front of the mirror finding a name for myself. Because of my image I looked like I could be a Voodoo or a Cologne?? so 5hours I think it was, I was juggling "Voodoo" "Or" "Cologne", "Voodoo" "Or" "Cologne" and then I was struck with brilliance and added "Or" to the end of "Voodoo" and made "Voodor" and kept "Cologne" as a last name and changed the Spelling for Voodor but made it sound the same and then..... BOOOOMMM!!! VuDaur Cologne was born. Now I do drag. Drag queen, to this day I still feel it is not a name, description or a label but a Title one must earn! This was the beginning to a new journey that I was made to fulfil. I think back to being a child and wanting to be like Whitney Houston and this was my chance to do it. My very first onstage outfit my mum made for me (17yrs old and performing Flesh night clubs stage) was a Whitney Houston outfit from the mid 80's was a deep purple velvet strapless one piece cut just above the knee with a matching waste coat (Whitney fashion but not something she had worn) and I remember performing one night to a live version of- I wanna Dance with somebody, Hand gestures to a Tee and lip-syncing with microphone in hand till I look over the crowd and out of all the people dancing and clapping, screaming, singing, laughing, audience members with hands in the air....amongst all that and the stage lights I spot a hand in the air and a Wrist full of gold bangles and bracelets and fingers swallowed in diamond rings and I stopped lip-syncing, my jaw dropped and I froze for a second to find my mother in the audience of a nightclub after midnight cheering me on. Performing to Whitney in the Whitney outfit she made for me I seriously couldn't have it any other way. I go on to meet other Drag Artistes of a higher Callobar over the months and built the courage to approach Bambi Slut, this amazing queen I’ve admired from day one and she was just so amazing to me, as well as Miss Kola, Buckwheat, Cindy of Samoa, Misty Blue, Wanda Lamour, Chi Chi La Qua, Fonda Boys, Ling Ling, Zoe Devine, Felicia, Davina Douche, Alec McQueen, Jackie E.Lation, Lucy Fur and many more all welcomed me with open arms and it was the love they all shared as a sisterhood and this was my place and where I finally felt accepted by others. I go on to make a name for myself in the Drag scene and there were a lot of ups and downs that came with it, some bad, some very bad and some that were unforgettable. I got involved in a lot of Charity Events with NZAF (New Zealand AIDS Foundation) Cartier Bereavement Trust and Big Gay Out with promoting safe sex awareness and safe sex campaigns. Launch of NZ's "Get It On" Being apart of "Wigs on the waterfront" being a Yearly fundraiser for the Cartier Bereavement trust held at Viaduct Basin. Hired to do private gigs, Birthdays, Stags or Hens parties, Staff doos, Christmas Parties, Hamilton Garden Festivals, Hamilton Fuel Festival, Organising own events etc... from costuming to props. I also was a show girl at Caluzzi Cabaret on Krd and represented Caluzzi at various events. Performer and Hostess for Flesh Nightclub. Performer/spectacles at Family Bar in honour of Costume Extraordinaire/Grand Artise and Club Artiste Provocateur DeezaStar!!!! You name it, I was pretty much there and over the years I was fortunate enough to have Partners that respected, supported and loved VuDaur just as much as they loved me and all of them still remain as good friends with today.
This was a short story about my raise from a child to a sister of the Draghood, Mother of up and coming drag artists and a mother figure to those who face difficulties in life. I am proud to say I have accomplished things that aren't about the real world. I base my experiences on the strength I had to not give up. There is a higher power out there and if you are reading this then my finger points to you, you are in control of who you want to be and when life gets harder, you have to work harder at correcting it. I dedicate this to the people that I found comfort in and helped me along the way and also helped me perfect the inner person I am today. Bambi Slut- The one who taught me what I know today and that you are not with us anymore I’m just proud to say I had the Honour to share it with you and the Honour that you were my Drag Mother. I also dedicate this story to those who feel lost, lonely, alone, confused, unsure, worthless, hurt, Broken hearted, who needs a shoulder to lean on, to have an ear to listen or a voice to listen to, a hand to hold, or an idea to share, a heart to give, or just to reach out and touch I hope this story one day will inspired someone out there who needs it. Just remember, when you're feeling down and sad or upset about something, ya’ll need to talk about it because I am living proof of someone that didn't!!! take the time to think about yourself before someone takes that from you and most of all, regardless of what happens, its because of you where you end up. Give and take but it's what you do with it.
And to my Mother of all time!!! In a way you guided me but I had to find it myself, I loved you for 28yrs and my love for you continues. You have been an extreme Inspiration to my life in a way I couldn't explain to people till now, You helped my find who I am, you stayed with me through this journey and I’m forever grateful to have your name in my hands- Thank you Miss Whitney Houston.
Much Love,
Vc Latimoore X.

Well I must say that is really quite a story :O I love hearing things like this, stuff I never knew about and things others can learn and know about. Drag Artise :D I love it. It sounds so... professional and obviously VC has had quite the journey. Good stuff man, no. Great stuff :)

What is the rainbow flag? what does it mean?

LGBT PRIDE

So i've actually been wondering myself that this rainbow stuff is within LGBT, so I decided to do some of my own research and there is so much I wouldn't have even thought of.
Each color actually has a meaning to it!

Sexuality
Life
Healing
Sunlight
Nature
Magic/Art
Serenity/Harmony
Spirit

Honestly how cool is that. Using colors that have hidden meaning.
The first time the flag flew was during the Gay Freedom Day Parade in San Francisco on June 25, 1978. Here's me thinking that the rainbow flag was something recent but it's been around for 35 years!
It was an idea proposed by a guy named Gilbert Baker since there was a request for a symbol that could be used every year. From then till present the rainbow flag stands as a symbol for colorful difference, positivism and hopefulness, and strength of the movement for gay rights right throughout the world.

Interview's with LGB's :)

I notice a lot of LGBT pages talk mainly on gay people but I want to do more... Showing off Lesbian Pride, Bisexual Pride, Transgender Pride and Gay Pride all as a whole but with their seperate attributes. So i've done interview's with gay, lesbian and bisexual girls and boys... same questions, different gender's haha.

I have:
A friend who wishes to remain anonymous, Male, aged 23
Adriaan, Male, aged 25
Benjamin, Male, aged 21
Crystal, Female, aged 16
Jaysin, aged 32
Khloe, Female, aged 17
Joey, Male aged 16
and Quintessa, aged 18

At what age did you first have an idea that you were into the same sex?  

Anonymous - 13 or 14.
Adriaan - At 9 years old.
Benjamin - 8 was my first time I had an idea.
Crystal - Um well I met Courtenay when I was about 10, and I've always kinda had a thing for girls I don't think it just popped up one day but the only really serious thing I've ever had with a girl where I was in love was with her.
Jaysin - I was 16 but I was hiding it as I always had a girlfriend.
Joey - I don't know to be honest, i've always had that attraction.
Khloe - The age I started like girls was at the beginning of 2012.
Quintessa - I’d say I was about 12, I had just started my second year of intermediate.

Could you explain more about your attraction to the same sex? What do you like about people of your sex?

Anonymous - I don't know how to explain my attraction to guys, it just is lol.
Adriaan - I'm attracted to men because I've always saw their bodies to be desirable to me.
Benjamin - There isn't much to explain, I am not sexually or emotionally attracted to girls but I am to guys. There is no key thing that makes me think about what I like about guys.
Crystal - I think my whole attraction with girls is their personality (as with anyone because I am a people person) and the inspiration they give me to be better physically. Like, I have a physical attraction to girls too, it's both a "damn she is hot" and a "imagine if i looked like that"...i think it's kinda an envy thing. And if by 'what do you find attractive about girls' you're asking if im an ass or tits kinda person, i like both  but thighs are my weak point.
Jaysin - There wasn't really I just knew that I liked guys but I was hiding it till I felt comfortable.
Joey - I love a guy's personality, someone I can relate too, someone who helps me become the better version of myself. Someone who helps me to grow.
Khloe - I would say I always liked guys but then I would go to parties and just see all these hot girls and fell for them, as for my attraction to girls, I like them because like I said girls are so hot and sexy and me being a girl if I were to date girls they could understand what I like and don't like.
Quintessa - I’m not really sure how to explain it, it’s just something I've always felt. Personality is huge for me! Also, a person’s eyes!

Do ever like try hide your sexuality or feel uncomfortable about it? 

Anonymous - I do feel uncomfortable about my sexuality at times, and I do hide it, it just depends.
Adriaan - I've not tried to hide it as much as I've seen other people, however I won't make it an opening line when I meet people.
Benjamin - I don't hide it but I don't scream out to the world that I am gay.
Crystal - I think I'm fairly honest about my sexuality but I do feel uncomfortable about other people's reactions sometimes. I am comfortable with myself though. I'm bi, and I can admit that to people.
Jaysin - Yes I did as I was living with my aunt and she was a Christian. I hid it from her and while she was away I was playing around with the next-door neighbors son, even though we went to the same school and were in the same class, we didn't socialize with each other at school it was only when we were at home, as he would sneak into my window at nights.
Joey - I still do at times haha most people know but some people are very judgmental so i'm just cautious. But I love being into boys really. But I hate that people think that's all I am, that my sexuality is all I am and that it's the most interesting thing about me. Do they know I love to dance, or that i'm really into just sitting in bed watching tv shows. It just annoys me that so many just judge me before they know me.
Khloe - At first I hid it only because I didn't want to be made fun of and then on social media someone asked me and I just came clean said yes i'm into girls now everyone I know... knows and I get complimented a lot of the time, guys calling me extra hot.
Quintessa - Sometimes if I’m in a group situation, I feel uncomfortable about being bisexual. But then I remember that it doesn't matter to them who I choose to be with.

What types of discrimination have you experiences because your into the same sex? 

Anonymous - Discrimation, not direct as such but verbal abuse, or the use of language, heterosexual assumption, incorrectly introduced etc
Adriaan - I've been in physical fights, had stuff thrown at me, excluded from going back to class by the principal unless I repented, I was always called names.
Benjamin - I was once fired from a job for being gay. I sued them and won the case in 2011.
Crystal - I haven't had much discrimination, only one experience while nonsexually holding my friend's hand while walking through town, we got a lot of looks and a few teenage boys yelling out things like "lesbos" and stuff. That just made me angry. I don't believe in homophobia or transphobia because everyone has a right to happiness. That's what my sexuality is about, I am bi because I go for what makes me happy and people of every walk of life who are accepting make me happy.
Jaysin - Inapplicable :P he forgot to answer it haha
Joey - I get teased and tormented quite abit. Never physical, all verbal. It's the reason I come off as stuck up and stuff. I get quite abit of shit for it.
Khloe - I have gotten some shit for it, when i'm in the change rooms at school some girls cover up more in front of me. Like, just because i'm into girls it doesn't mean I like every girl.
Quintessa - Nothing so far, I don’t really pay much attention to others. (LUCKY GIRL!)

Have you had a girl/boyfriend or something close to it before? What's it like?

Anonymous - I have had a boyfriend, there is a lot of good things, but bad things as well, at times it felt like hard work.
Adriaan - I've had many boyfriends, I have learnt there are two kinds of love, bad and good, and people aren't always what they seem
Benjamin - Yes I have and its like any normal relationship there is love in it.
Crystal - My first girlfriend and pretty much only girlfriend was Courtenay, and we were friends for a long time before sexuality came into it. I really do think I loved her, she has helped me through so much and it sucks we don't talk anymore. She really has been my best friend and my rock, although I rarely mention her to other people because I'm afraid of negative reactions. But yes, having a girlfriend is amazing and sex can be...wow.
Jaysin - Yes I have had boyfriend (which turned out to be the next-door neighbor sons) and we were both happy to be together as we started going out and I really loved him.
Joey - I had a thing. He was much older then me, but he was the most beautiful thing I had ever known. It hurts me so much that it's finished. He was the one I could tell myself 'He's the one'. He was the one who inspired who I am now, just knowing him and his existence... He was what I once wanted to be. He had the looks, a sweet voice, his touch was warm. I loved him. I miss him. It pain's me too see him, even in a picture. I just hope one day we might be able to start again, or even just be friends. I'll never stop hoping.
Khloe - I have had girlfriends and they have been incredible to be around and their amazing and just like me and I have to say girls have the softest lips ever.
Quintessa - I’ve had two girlfriends before, it really isn’t all that different.

How has your family accepted you as being into the same sex?

Anonymous - Some of my family have accepted it, althought I am not very close to my family anway.
Adriaan - My family don't like it, won't come to a wedding if I get married to another guy, don't want to know. keeps suggesting getting a wife. etc. so no they don't like it at all.
Benjamin - My family more then accepts me, but they also stand up for lgbt rights.
Crystal - I don't speak to much of my family but my mum knows and seems to accept it, girls aren't really a big part of my life since I have a boyfriend now but I still have those urges (he catches me checking out girls a lot). I guess in a way I'm still in the closet but I'm happy with myself and it's no one else's burden to worry about.
Jaysin - When my aunty found out that I was gay she went mad, but all my other family members just told me to be myself and that if I was happy with a guy, they were happy for me. Although my little brother was funny for a very long time, but in the end he got over it and we are very close today.
Joey - No. My family knows but most of them don't like it at all, so they think i'm 'suppressing it' and stuff. My cousins are the most accepting, I love them with all my heart. I love my family. But they'll never truly understand. They're strong christian's so they believe, what they believe. Full stop :(
Khloe - My mum was okay with it. Most of my family is they don't care as long as im being myself and im happy.
Quintessa - I think so, I mean we don’t really talk about it, and not all of my family actually knows.

And that's a wrap with interview's :)

Q12

So I did an interview with the youth media producer of the Q12 Tour which is supported by Rainbow Youth and PrideNZ.com and here was the result...

What is the Q12 Tour exactly?

Q12 the tour is a tour about sexuality and gender identity it is a series of audio interviews that was collected around the north island involving the lgbt youth.

What do you do as the youth media producer?

I practically did everything apart from publishing it online, pridenz.com did that, I arranged for travel accommodation budget and lined up interviews, visited lgbt youth groups and did the interviewing.

It seems quite widespread? How did that happen?

Well it was originally only an Auckland project then I proposed that I took it on tour around the north island of New Zealand.

Are there plans of taking this into schools and stuff? if allowed? maybe you could try something like that?

I wasn't able to get the funding for the south island nor did pridenz.com, we're interested to publish another tour. This year i have done 3 lectures on what happened on my tour one lecture at AUT university, one in Rotorua and one in Wellington.

So is Q12 active at the moment?

Q12 the tour is officially finished and wont be coming back however the resources are published and is on pridenz.com and free to anyone to listen.

So in conclusion what was the result of the tour?

In the end I managed to get over 70 interviews including a labor MP Maryan street which is somewhere else in the pridenz.com website. However it was very exciting anyway the results was that everyone has a different story and that they were so happy that they got to get heard, however homophobia is still a big issue in this country for example there were abusive stories about people still being beaten up for there sexuality. Another thing I would like to add is that there needs to be more support available especially for the transgender community because there isn't allot and not a lot of funding for there surgeries, and for the lgbt community as a whole the support that is offered already isn't doing a very good job. For example people from Napier or New Plymouth have called and emailed rainbow youth multiple times and gotten no reply. The three main cities the contributed to the Q12 tour are Auckland with over 20 interviews and Palmerston north with over 15 interviews and Wanganui with over 10 interviews.

Thank you for your time,

Anytime

To know more about Q12 and Benjamin Watt check out the link's below:

http://www.pridenz.com/q12.html
http://www.pridenz.com/rainbow_politicians_maryan_street.html
http://www.pridenz.com/q12_benji_watt.html

Friday 4 October 2013

About me

I'm pretty insecure. Not extremely but while I have some, I don't believe in myself too much. Reasons why i'm staying anonymous.
I've always been quite misunderstood. I'm either too bitchy, too kind, too happy, too depressing, too everything -_- and it sucks but i'm getting through.
I'm definetly not a morning person hahaha that's for sure.
I love to dance.
Love my friends and family to bits.
I wish to work in the legal system someday and help out with LGBT people mainly... though open to everyone.
I write songs :)
I'm into older guys ;) hahaha not too much older just 18 - 28
I'm not the brightest learner... I seem like it but yet again, that just another misunderstanding though I get excited when i've just learnt something i've been so desperate to grasp haha
I love success.
I'm SINGLE as ever :( which sucks but I have hope that someday something will happen.
I'm tall and a little chubby, not fat just I have curves.
I'm a typical teenager. Couldn't live without my cellphone, internet or anything.
And right now... I need a shower hahaha cause honestly a mate's coming over and i've just gotten back from running ssoo if ya don't mind, im'a be out :D see ya xx

Thursday 3 October 2013

Q&A with a transgender woman


So yes this is about a male turned female. I didn't ask these questions they're just things that she has been asked by other people.

When did you become transgender?

When I was about 16-17 I started experimenting with dressing in women's clothes and shoes, but I didn't fully become aware of my identity until I was 18 (which was when I began to acknowledge myself as Transgender). I'm 20 now so it's still early days

Can you please explain your sexuality a bit more? if you don't mind! And what made you become a transgender. :-)

Well I'm in the process of changing my gender from Male to Female, I'm considered Pre-Op because I have yet to have the Gender Reassignment Surgery required for the change to be complete - its very expensive and also you have to wait years until you'll be eligible to do so. I've taken on this identity at the young age that I am because I wasn't happy with my original gender and I feel much better already knowing I'm on my way to become a female.

how long will it take before your a full woman?

Oh I'm still a very long way off, if anything I kind of haven't started - just trying to adjust first and then I'll get into the hormones.

are you a fafa?

If you mean as in Fa'afa'afine then no! I'm Transgender, there's a difference

whats the difference and does that mean you like men?

Transgender are those who are in the process of changing their gender, Fa'afa'afine do not have that desire to do so. And yes I do like guys

Are you gay?

Nope! I consider myself a straight woman

Until you complete the process and are legally a female. Are you really able to call yourself a straight women and not a gay man for the time being?

I'm not a fan of labels but this got me curious about the subject.
I consider myself a straight woman because I'm not living my life as a male and I choose not to be considered a gay male simply because I don't look, act, talk or walk like a male and I'm doing this as part of my everyday life - not as a part time job at nights. So yeah I'm still legally male (which sucks) but my appearance is that of a female. Hope that helps

But you still look like a man?

That's only because I have yet to start hormones so I may have quite a boyish figure still, but that will soon change. I'm already wearing bras and done other things to try and make myself look more womanly, but I know that it's a huge process that can take years to fulfil
                                                                                                                                                                  
As you can see there is quite a process in becoming transgender.
1. Voice, clothes and manner.
2.Therapy.
3. Taking hormones.
4. Certain hair removal which can cost so much and be so painful.
5. Many will go through cosmetic surgery to make themselves appear more feminine. (breast implants, facial construction etc.)
6. Then theres the 'parts' reconstruction.

So much is involved with becoming the gender they feel that they are and it amazes me how strong they are to go through that stuff to become who they know they are. Incredible *claps*

Spreading the gay... Really?

A classic one 'stop spreading your gayness!'

The takeaways employee from my first post was criticized within the work force for being 'TOO GAY' and was told not to TURN customers gay. What the F -_- poor guy being hated on by management for being who he is. Being too embarrassed to come to work and calling in sick not too work with certain manager's losing hours and money. It's takeouts! Not church for gods sakes people.
It's funny that people think homosexuality is contagious. When a lot of gay people may have had no gay friends or family, or even known many if any gay people and yet they are gay. You can't spread 'gayness' because it's not like a sickness that can be passed on. It's born into our brain and not even scientist have been able to understand why people are gay. Being gay is believed by science that it's within your brain and you can't control it. Even if you decide to go to bible camp. They say that LGBT people could influence their child to be gay. Last I checked a child has its own body, conscience, mind etc. You can't make or tell someone to be gay same as you can't force someone who likes pizza, to like burgers. :/

Why can't you be straight?

People will also ask LGBT people 'why can't you be straight?'

Okay say you like pizza but hate burgers. Can you change it all and like burgers. I don't think so. Something about burgers puts you off so you'd rather pizza. This is all within your brain and you can not choose whether or not your attracted to something. It just happens because it's your brain telling you all this, you can't choose or make yourself like something that you really don't no matter how desperate you want to. It's within you whether you like it or not.

Why?

So I see this being asked to alot of gay people often 'why are you gay?' in that position I would probably reply with 'why are you straight?' but I want to elaborate on that question. Why are gay people gay?
Why? well here's a question back... why not? many people go on and on that being gay was their own choice and they chose that lifestyle. Many say it's disgusting and unholy but let's talk about that sort of choice. Why would someone choose the things i'm about to list:

1. Gay people are not allowed donating blood, helping to save lives.
2. In some places gay people can not marry?
3. In alot of places it is not allowed for gay people to adopt children.
4. In some places if a gay person is not truly married to their partner then they are not allowed visiting their ill or dying partner in the hospital unless their family gives you permission.
5. Your will can be debated if your not legally married to your partner in some places.
6. In alot of places gay people are fired from their jobs! Just for being gay. Just this year in New Zealand a Takeaways employee was criticized for being 'too gay'!
7. In 2009 25% of LGBT youth were kicked out of home for coming out. and 50% of them commited suicide.
8. Gay people are disapproved greatly by the public, alienated and turn to isolating themselves.
9. Not allowed worshipping at some churches for identifying as LGBT.
10.. Hate crimes, in Russia next to nothing is done if a gay person is beaten or killed simply because 'they were gay'
11. Other statistics show 65% of LGBT youth have experienced verbal or physical harassment within high schools. 67% have experienced violence at the hands of family members. 28% drop out because of the stress. 53% hear homophobic comments from SCHOOL STAFF! High school is a place your meant to grow and learn, but for alot of LGBT people it may as well be a prison.

Tell me WHY would anybody CHOOSE that sort of life to live and be exposed too. Now you decide is gay really a choice cause with the evidence i've shown I don't know one person who would pick to live through those things.